Bells Palsy Suxxxx....

This week has been an emotional one for me. I feel like I am the protagonist of my own nostalgic film. When the character is finally happy and then some ironic twist in the plot they end up hurt. Last Thursday I was feeling pretty awesome it was just another ordinary day, but the only thing that was bugging me was my right eye. It was getting a bit watery and I was fearing the worse. I tried not to stress out about the situation. I got off work and went home.

Then on Friday my right eye continued to feel dry and watery. I went to work and came back home around 3:00 and that's when I knew that I had fallen once again victim to "bells palsy." A couple years ago I ended with bells palsy because I was having too much stress with school and work. I had to learn the hard way from my doctor about this disease. There's no cure for it and no one knows for sure what causes it. It gradually heals on it's own, but of course the person must massage their face and think positive that this thing will go away.

Right now I feel highly self-conscious about my face and how my right eye is all watery. I could barely talk right, because my lip goes to the right side. I am pretty lucky that I can smile, but I don't have a true expression on my right eye that changes my expression to happiness. I have been watching You Tube Videos of people showing their progress with the disease. I'll be honest but I just want to stay home and not show my face in public for awhile. But I know that I can't do that and I have to continue existing in the world even if people look at me funny or stare.

In reality I don't want to deal with this cramp, but I can't let it run my life for now. All I can say to anyone who reads this post is to be kind to people with disabilities.

Boy Diaries

You can confess your feelings and at the end it is not soo bad.
I thought he was never going to write back. I'll be honest I was dreading it simply because I value "his friendship." I know that long distance relationships never work out...but at least now I know what he truly thinks of me. He values our friendship and the fact that I am very special to him. He also wrote something at the end that made me feel very good...That I should always be "myself"... I think that every moment that a person feels confident in their own skin and life that reflects outward. Even that saying that goes "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is very true. I will continue on my search for that "guy" that will truly be for me...

Crush Sound of the Week: The Naked and Famous..

Crush Sound of the Week Beach Fossils..

"Boy Diaries"

Today I said "hi" to a random guy. He was walking his two pug dogs. I was walking back to work and I noticed him standing in the corner of the street. He saw me coming, but I didn't realized why he wasn't moving. I thought he was waiting for someone. It was such a pretty sunny day that I didn't think much when he started walking towards me with his dogs. I could have just passed him by and not said anything like I usually will do. But for some odd reason and I don't know how or why I said "hi". He gave me a nice "hello" with a big smile and I continued walking. I was feeling so proud of myself, because I couldn't believe I had done such a simple thing like saying, "hi" to a random guy. He looked nice with a black beanie and a gray sweater, but of course I don't know anything about him, but it felt great to acknowledge a random boy. I think that for that moment I know that the possibility of a "guy" for me is somewhere out there. The whole idea of talking to men gets me all nervous especially if I find them attractive. I think I am liking the challenge of finding that one "guy" who is willing to ask me out on a real date.

"Boy Diaries..."

You can never be wrong or right about your feelings. Honesty is an important step in any given relationship. I wanted to move on forward and be more realistic with my feelings. I decided to write to one of my guy friend's that I have known for two years and express that I had a crush on him. My e-mail to him was short and simple and I know deep down that I was expecting some kinda of answer like "Oh, I didn't know you felt that way about me." (if you read this part make a manly voice on it.) I had two miss opportunities to tell him that I had a crush on him to his face. My real reason for the "I had a crush on you revelation" was that I wanted to know if there could have been a possibility a "tiny" chance of a maybe. But since he hasn't replied back with any type of sentiment then I shouldn't feel hurt or anything. I just wanted to feel those knots in my stomach when you are waiting for that person to say something to you that will change everything in that second. Perhaps he will never write me back but at least now I will not be so afraid of rejection. I think that the only reason why I had a crush on him was because he danced with me without feeling shy about it. There was something about him that made me happy even though it was for a moment. I have danced with other guys, but they didn't make me feel anything; so I will continue my quest of finding someone. Hopefully he does exist somewhere.

Single...

I decided to write about this issue of being "single." This week has been a bit crazy hanging out with colleagues at work and having to hit the most popular topic of conversation of babies and relationships. I know that I am the only one that has been "single" for such a long time in that circle of girls. Every time this topic comes up. (I feel like hiding under the desk, because I don't want to talk about it). I feel like I have learned to be on my own and depend on my own decisions and never felt the need to consult with a partner about it. I have been too busy living my own life to actually analyze why I've been "single" for sooo long. But they managed to make feel really lame about my "single status."

This week I finally gave up on giving excuses for myself. How many more times Can I say:

"Guys only see me as a friend."
"I'm never the chosen one."
"There's women who know how to use their sex appeal."
"I don't need a guy to be happy."
"There are two types of woman in this planet the one's who are meant to be a wife and a mother. The one's who were brought up with the value of having a family is the number one priority that gives a purpose to their life and I am not that kind of woman. I don't need to be identified as someone's girlfriend, wife, or mother. I just want to be me."

I think that I have used all these reasons because I don't want to feel like I am desperately seeking for a man to love me. It might sound silly but it is the truth. I finally have the courage to tell this to myself. I truly feel like Shrek now peeling slowly the layers of myself. The other cool thing is that one of my close friends got engaged on her birthday. I feel sooo happy for her, because she was the friend that understood the way I felt about being "single."

Now, I am ready to give some "guy" out there a chance. I don't know when it will happen or how. But I know that I will like to have an actual "date" to my friend's wedding. I don't want to be the "single lady" not having a dance partner for the big event. I wouldn't want to sit in an empty table waiting for someone to ask me to dance.

This is going to be a true challenge for myself to find ways to approach "guys" and give them nice compliments. Stay tune for the "Boy Diaries"...until I find "the guy"....If anyone has suggestion don't hesitate to write me a comment...

Crush Sound of the Week..Arctic Monkeys.

I just had to make this Arctic Monkeys song my crush sound of the week. This song has a stellar beat it just makes you want to dance....